the media sucks. The one thing I love about the internet is people talking to people. Yes, there is BS everywhere, but I believe lots of real information is passed along.
I must say: When it's over, it's over! Acceptance. The media likes to turn every move into a story. They like to sensationalize
every aspect of horror. Excuse me.
For me, the most advantageous technique for living life, has been learning acceptance.
We haven't control over the majority of what actually happens in our lives. That is simply the way it is. We like to think we are controlling our lives, but that just isn't realistic. Anything
can happen from one moment to the next!
STOP! We must stop it, if they won't. Agreed?
We are curious. We want to know what has happenened; why this human
went crazy and caused such horror. But READING, WATCHING, LISTENING to the same story repeated over and over (excuse me) CRAP - does not resolve anything.
1. Acceptance: we must accept this has happened. It is a shock. It is horrible. Watching the same images, listening to the same "few" that report it - NOT PRODUCTIVE.
As an example: I am a mother in Tacoma, Washington. I become so engrossed with this incident that I feel it is over - "I
can never send my child to school without fear." WRONG. NARROW. Not accepting that in this life, we have only limited control over what happens!
WHEN MY CHILDREN LEFT HOME - I was devastated. (They didn't know it). I was fearful they were in the wrong place, in the wrong group of people, YOU KNOW. I had to trust that they had the "stuff" inside to survive. Mama told me, "At this point honey, you have to trust God, and trust your children." I did. I could do nothing else.
WE HAVE TO ACCEPT what IS. Otherwise we are living a life of delusion. It is what is it!
Sad, terrible, useless, pointless, horrible - agreed. But NOW we have to move forward. It is the ONLY CHOICE.
Wednesday, April 18, 2007
Monday, April 16, 2007
When Horror and tragedy must be faced
There is nothing I can think of worse than the loss of a child. The loss of these children today at Virginia Tech is a tragedy that none of us ever expected. It is ALWAYS tragic to loose a child, but when it is by such useless violence, it becomes almost impossible to comprehend.
There is no recovery from this type of stress immediately. The grieving parents, friends and families will be in shock for days to come, and probably sleepless for weeks. Grieving takes time.
There are 5 stages of grief and everyone must, it seems, go through at least some of them. The stages are denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance. I will not expound on them, but there are many websites to check out if your are interested. I found one that is very good: http://davidkessler.org/html/qa_grief.html#6. It explains, step by step, what to expect in times of grief.
What I would like to share is not for those grieving, as probably not a single one of those persons will get anywhere near a computer to "learn" techniques at this point. I want to share some thoughts for those of you who may be able to help those in grief - friends, co-workers, neighbors, church members, acquaintances, just anyone at large in the community that might want to be able to touch and help the heart of one who is suffering now.
It has been my experience that even strangers from a far can help by praying for those involved, and those who's spirits have been elevated from this earth. Pray for the God you believe in, whatever the name may be, to help these who remain and are suffering. Prayer changes things, though, alas, it cannot mend what has been torn here and now.
Let people know that you would be willing to step in to cook a meal or two, or cook for the gathering of family that will occur. Try to relieve some task that may need doing, but will be neglected for now. Ask if you can babysit the small children for the family, ask what you can do to help. Don't be shy.
You may find someone breaking into tears and desperately needing just a hug. We all live in this world. We are a family of humans and tragedy has happened again. Beef up your courage
and make a step towards giving love, your energy, whatever may be needed at this time.
Take a breath, say a prayer, hold someone's hand. Love one another and help the healing to begin with your love.
There is no recovery from this type of stress immediately. The grieving parents, friends and families will be in shock for days to come, and probably sleepless for weeks. Grieving takes time.
There are 5 stages of grief and everyone must, it seems, go through at least some of them. The stages are denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance. I will not expound on them, but there are many websites to check out if your are interested. I found one that is very good: http://davidkessler.org/html/qa_grief.html#6. It explains, step by step, what to expect in times of grief.
What I would like to share is not for those grieving, as probably not a single one of those persons will get anywhere near a computer to "learn" techniques at this point. I want to share some thoughts for those of you who may be able to help those in grief - friends, co-workers, neighbors, church members, acquaintances, just anyone at large in the community that might want to be able to touch and help the heart of one who is suffering now.
It has been my experience that even strangers from a far can help by praying for those involved, and those who's spirits have been elevated from this earth. Pray for the God you believe in, whatever the name may be, to help these who remain and are suffering. Prayer changes things, though, alas, it cannot mend what has been torn here and now.
Let people know that you would be willing to step in to cook a meal or two, or cook for the gathering of family that will occur. Try to relieve some task that may need doing, but will be neglected for now. Ask if you can babysit the small children for the family, ask what you can do to help. Don't be shy.
You may find someone breaking into tears and desperately needing just a hug. We all live in this world. We are a family of humans and tragedy has happened again. Beef up your courage
and make a step towards giving love, your energy, whatever may be needed at this time.
Take a breath, say a prayer, hold someone's hand. Love one another and help the healing to begin with your love.
Friday, April 13, 2007
Animal Rescue and knowledge gained!
I went to an animal rescue group to see some of the wild animals rescued. There were many, and folks volunteered to care for them until they could return to the wild - or some, unable to return, were adopted.
I always thought I hated scavenger birds - vultures. I thought they were awful. It was a stress I held within when I saw them. "Horrible birds", I thought.
This gathering changed my mind. I was harboring feels of unrest about the birds every time I saw them, UNTIL I actually learned about them!
The vulture in the photo was rescued 5 years ago and the couple in the photo adopted him then. He actually is friendly, affectionate, and has been a wonderful pet for the couple. I learned that the holes in his nose are to smell for food. They are the only bird that has that sense-the sense of smell. They smell the dead, and that is their only food. They aren't hunters and would die without that sense. They also eat diseased carcasses.
After spending time talking with the couple, and actually seeing the bird close up, I realized that it was only because I didn't know WHY the bird ate the dead that I was pent up about the emotion I felt about them. That stressor is gone and I now have appreciation for the birds.
I always thought I hated scavenger birds - vultures. I thought they were awful. It was a stress I held within when I saw them. "Horrible birds", I thought.
This gathering changed my mind. I was harboring feels of unrest about the birds every time I saw them, UNTIL I actually learned about them!
The vulture in the photo was rescued 5 years ago and the couple in the photo adopted him then. He actually is friendly, affectionate, and has been a wonderful pet for the couple. I learned that the holes in his nose are to smell for food. They are the only bird that has that sense-the sense of smell. They smell the dead, and that is their only food. They aren't hunters and would die without that sense. They also eat diseased carcasses.
After spending time talking with the couple, and actually seeing the bird close up, I realized that it was only because I didn't know WHY the bird ate the dead that I was pent up about the emotion I felt about them. That stressor is gone and I now have appreciation for the birds.
Wednesday, April 11, 2007
Communication is the key to Peace!
These are things I’ve learned over the years about communicating with other “human kind”. Since we are all able to use verbal communication, it is important we follow some basic rules that are usually learned through the trial and error method. Hopefully these thoughts will be of value in your life (whether communicating with male or female, some principles are unisex and invaluable, in maintaining healthy relationships. Poor communication skills can raise your stress level dangerously high.
1. Honesty is premium. Without honest communication we are doomed to disaster. Many times you’ll hear people say, “Oh, I didn’t want to hurt her feelings”, or “he just couldn’t handle the truth”. Truth is far less damaging than lies. Sometimes the “delivery” might need to be handled delicately, with a positive tone, but in the long run - truth will always win out as the optimum choice as surely as the sun rises each morning.
2. Never assume, when a comment is initially made, that you actually know what the person meant. Sometimes it will be obvious, but consider the fact that painful communication and relationship scars in all of us will often color or alter the meaning of what a person may say - to you! If you feel uncomfortable or need clarification, simply ask. “I may be “I may be misunderstanding what you are saying, could you clarify for me?” Think of how many times an argument has occurred because of such misunderstandings. Never assume!
3. Listen until the other person has completed a thought. Don’t immediately start thinking about your response. You cannot hear what
the person is saying if you don’t give your full attention. This rule applies any time. It is the intelligent person that listens. It is the person who truly cares and wants to have understanding that listens.
4. If you have a complaint, state what you observed or feel. State it objectively; don’t generalize and don’t exaggerate. Use your intellect as opposed to your emotion, and be concise about the comment of complaint.
5. If the matter has been satisfactorily resolved, do not keep bringing it up. In my experience, men are able to forget a situation quickly, and women seem to dwell on it, review it, and suffer from it for a very long time. When a matter is done, drop it. That is then, this is now. We live in the “nows” and not the” thens”.
6. Listen for the thought that is actually being expressed, and often more importantly, for the feeling that is being expressed. Be in tune and sensitive to others feelings, and not strictly their words. Women have a tendency to hear ALL words that are spoken, and ingest them over and over again. Men are more flagrant with their words, not oftentimes realizing that words can cut like a sharp knife. Those wounds (particularly-but not singularly, as men can be hurt too) often take years to heal.
7. Acknowledge that the other person (the speaker) has a right to his or her feelings simply because the feelings exist - no matter what the reasoning behind them. Nothing constructive will ever be accomplished unless the listener can accept the other person’s feeling as VALID for the other person.
8. Restate the content of what the other person has expressed. Do not state it in an accusing or negative manner, but simply emphatic about understanding.
9. State “feelings” in regard to what you observed that made you feel a complaint was necessary. Be sure not to confuse feelings with opinions .
Feelings can be motivated by emotion and not intellect. Stand back and objectively review these things.
10. Take responsibility for your feelings. Don’t say, “you made me angry”.
Say, “I got angry” or I am angry.” If you FEEL something - take the responsibility and don’t lay blame on someone else.
11. Before you speak or respond, take a breath (your brain needs 50% more oxygen to serve you optimally). You will also give yourself a moment to calm down, and the oxygen to help you do so. Empower yourself by breathing. When we are excited we often hold our breath. We cut off our own oxygen supply, inhibiting our calm and intellectual reaction to a situation. Do not let your emotions be in charge. We have been given brains to think. Use your intellect and discuss all points of the conversation or conflict.
12. Reminder: Keep it brief, kind and honest. Verbal communication is the way we project love, hate, joy, sadness, and so other emotions. Without it we can't RELATE to one another.
I truly believe my husband and I have kept our marriage as lovers and best friends for 19 years because we have ALWAYS kept the communication open between us, and never belittled what the other is thinking. We discuss things (we don't ALWAYS agree) - but we are honest and don't hold it inside to ultimately implode.
Remember that a lack of good communication can cause breakups, divorces, and wars!
Take a breath, think before you speak and listen with sincerity.
1. Honesty is premium. Without honest communication we are doomed to disaster. Many times you’ll hear people say, “Oh, I didn’t want to hurt her feelings”, or “he just couldn’t handle the truth”. Truth is far less damaging than lies. Sometimes the “delivery” might need to be handled delicately, with a positive tone, but in the long run - truth will always win out as the optimum choice as surely as the sun rises each morning.
2. Never assume, when a comment is initially made, that you actually know what the person meant. Sometimes it will be obvious, but consider the fact that painful communication and relationship scars in all of us will often color or alter the meaning of what a person may say - to you! If you feel uncomfortable or need clarification, simply ask. “I may be “I may be misunderstanding what you are saying, could you clarify for me?” Think of how many times an argument has occurred because of such misunderstandings. Never assume!
3. Listen until the other person has completed a thought. Don’t immediately start thinking about your response. You cannot hear what
the person is saying if you don’t give your full attention. This rule applies any time. It is the intelligent person that listens. It is the person who truly cares and wants to have understanding that listens.
4. If you have a complaint, state what you observed or feel. State it objectively; don’t generalize and don’t exaggerate. Use your intellect as opposed to your emotion, and be concise about the comment of complaint.
5. If the matter has been satisfactorily resolved, do not keep bringing it up. In my experience, men are able to forget a situation quickly, and women seem to dwell on it, review it, and suffer from it for a very long time. When a matter is done, drop it. That is then, this is now. We live in the “nows” and not the” thens”.
6. Listen for the thought that is actually being expressed, and often more importantly, for the feeling that is being expressed. Be in tune and sensitive to others feelings, and not strictly their words. Women have a tendency to hear ALL words that are spoken, and ingest them over and over again. Men are more flagrant with their words, not oftentimes realizing that words can cut like a sharp knife. Those wounds (particularly-but not singularly, as men can be hurt too) often take years to heal.
7. Acknowledge that the other person (the speaker) has a right to his or her feelings simply because the feelings exist - no matter what the reasoning behind them. Nothing constructive will ever be accomplished unless the listener can accept the other person’s feeling as VALID for the other person.
8. Restate the content of what the other person has expressed. Do not state it in an accusing or negative manner, but simply emphatic about understanding.
9. State “feelings” in regard to what you observed that made you feel a complaint was necessary. Be sure not to confuse feelings with opinions .
Feelings can be motivated by emotion and not intellect. Stand back and objectively review these things.
10. Take responsibility for your feelings. Don’t say, “you made me angry”.
Say, “I got angry” or I am angry.” If you FEEL something - take the responsibility and don’t lay blame on someone else.
11. Before you speak or respond, take a breath (your brain needs 50% more oxygen to serve you optimally). You will also give yourself a moment to calm down, and the oxygen to help you do so. Empower yourself by breathing. When we are excited we often hold our breath. We cut off our own oxygen supply, inhibiting our calm and intellectual reaction to a situation. Do not let your emotions be in charge. We have been given brains to think. Use your intellect and discuss all points of the conversation or conflict.
12. Reminder: Keep it brief, kind and honest. Verbal communication is the way we project love, hate, joy, sadness, and so other emotions. Without it we can't RELATE to one another.
I truly believe my husband and I have kept our marriage as lovers and best friends for 19 years because we have ALWAYS kept the communication open between us, and never belittled what the other is thinking. We discuss things (we don't ALWAYS agree) - but we are honest and don't hold it inside to ultimately implode.
Remember that a lack of good communication can cause breakups, divorces, and wars!
Take a breath, think before you speak and listen with sincerity.
Friday, April 6, 2007
Easter
I KNOW everyone doesn't celebrate Easter in the same way I do. I am Christian. Not a normal one, granted! I pray, read the Bible, and believe the conclusions I've come to about it all, what I consider my "own personal property."
I also respect the right of others to choose what they opt to believe. Let me be clear: Each man must choose! I respect and honor that premise.
I just want to share that, in writing this post, I am sharing what I believe with you as a gesture of public appreciation to God and His Son.
I hope that for those with similar beliefs, you will enjoy and love your Easter activities.
For those of you who do not agree with my celebration of the resurrection, I hope you steer clear of worshiping the money god and buying WAY TOO MUCH CANDY for your kiddos!
Sugar is awful for kids and the corporations LOVE the money all the easter bunny brings in to them. (Probably not the workers, but the CEO's for sure, eh?)
What ever you do, have a lovely day with those around you. If you are alone (and I think none of us are EVER truly alone) - revel in the still beautiful world around us. Enjoy the animals, the greenery and flowers of springtime, the very many things we usually don't have time to enjoy!
Take time, take a breath , relax and regenerate! And.....from me to you: blessings to you, and love from one fellow human being to another!
I also respect the right of others to choose what they opt to believe. Let me be clear: Each man must choose! I respect and honor that premise.
I just want to share that, in writing this post, I am sharing what I believe with you as a gesture of public appreciation to God and His Son.
I hope that for those with similar beliefs, you will enjoy and love your Easter activities.
For those of you who do not agree with my celebration of the resurrection, I hope you steer clear of worshiping the money god and buying WAY TOO MUCH CANDY for your kiddos!
Sugar is awful for kids and the corporations LOVE the money all the easter bunny brings in to them. (Probably not the workers, but the CEO's for sure, eh?)
What ever you do, have a lovely day with those around you. If you are alone (and I think none of us are EVER truly alone) - revel in the still beautiful world around us. Enjoy the animals, the greenery and flowers of springtime, the very many things we usually don't have time to enjoy!
Take time, take a breath , relax and regenerate! And.....from me to you: blessings to you, and love from one fellow human being to another!
Wednesday, April 4, 2007
A wonderful event
My husband had for months been quite negative about some important things. He had valid reasons to have concerns and 99% of the men I've known in my lifetime would have been right there with him - grumbling, unhappy, and negative as hell!
But here is where my man differs from so many men. He decided to use his intellect and do something about it. He said, "I'm going to change my attitude about things. I can't do anything
about these things right now anyway, and I can't keep going down this path as it's damaging my position at work and my relationships there too. From now on, "It's all good."
He may have been kind of tricking his own brain when he started, but he'd made a choice that
since nothing could be done to change these things right now - he wasn't going to let himself turn into a grumpy, miserable kind of guy! GOOD FOR HIM!
Last night, after several weeks of training himself to get in the habit of thinking and saying,
"It's all good", he was relaxing in his recliner and he turned to get my attention.
"You know," he began, "since I've been saying that it's all good - things have gotten much better. I feel better, it's better at work, and it's all good!"
So there it is. Use your intellect, change your thinking and the words that exit your mouth, and change your life! It's all good! CREATE a wonderful day for yourself and those around you!
But here is where my man differs from so many men. He decided to use his intellect and do something about it. He said, "I'm going to change my attitude about things. I can't do anything
about these things right now anyway, and I can't keep going down this path as it's damaging my position at work and my relationships there too. From now on, "It's all good."
He may have been kind of tricking his own brain when he started, but he'd made a choice that
since nothing could be done to change these things right now - he wasn't going to let himself turn into a grumpy, miserable kind of guy! GOOD FOR HIM!
Last night, after several weeks of training himself to get in the habit of thinking and saying,
"It's all good", he was relaxing in his recliner and he turned to get my attention.
"You know," he began, "since I've been saying that it's all good - things have gotten much better. I feel better, it's better at work, and it's all good!"
So there it is. Use your intellect, change your thinking and the words that exit your mouth, and change your life! It's all good! CREATE a wonderful day for yourself and those around you!
Tuesday, April 3, 2007
Think about it
If you THINK you are miserable - you will be miserable.
If you THINK you are negative - you will be negative.
and so forth and so on.
"......as we thinketh, so shall we become"
People ask me why I am so happy and feel so good all the time. I KNOW a huge part of the the reason is because I have trained myself to THINK in those terms.
My response is usually: "I tried being miserable. It sucked, so I gave it up."
Try it. You'll like it! :)
If you THINK you are negative - you will be negative.
and so forth and so on.
"......as we thinketh, so shall we become"
People ask me why I am so happy and feel so good all the time. I KNOW a huge part of the the reason is because I have trained myself to THINK in those terms.
My response is usually: "I tried being miserable. It sucked, so I gave it up."
Try it. You'll like it! :)
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